If I'm invited to a destination wedding, am I obliged to attend?

Attending special celebrations such as weddings, birthday parties and other events can be expensive for guests, particularly if they require loved ones to travel long distances or spring for a wardrobe upgrade. 

On average, wedding guests planned on spending $611 per event in 2023, according to a survey from Bankrate — a total that reflects spending on gifts, clothing and beauty, plus travel and accommodations. 

Close friends' special days can be even costlier, given added costs associated with bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners and more. What's more, younger guests, the cohort least able to pay, are the most likely to shell out for their friends' nuptials, according to the same study. 

One personal finance expert wants to dissuade Gen Zers and millennials from spending beyond their means — even in the name of friendship. 

"You aren't being selfish if you can't go because the cost is too high. You're being responsible," Washington Post opinions writer Michelle Singletary wrote in a recent column. 

Those who receive invitations and RSVP "no" shouldn't feel guilty for doing so, either. In fact, making financially prudent decisions is commendable, Singletary said.

"Let the budget be the bad guy and tell the person, 'I just can't afford to go,'" she told CBS News. In other words, absent guests don't need to apologize for not attending. 

She doesn't begrudge couples for hosting destination weddings, though. "I think people do it because that's where they want to have their wedding. That's fine," she said. "But don't expect people to come if they can't afford it."

So, what steps should you take when an invitation shows up in the mail? Here's Singletary's advice:

• First, estimate how much attending would cost
• Do not go into debt to attend a wedding
• If you're inclined to attend, start saving as soon as you RSVP
• Don't feel obliged to be a part of the wedding party
• Remember you don't have to attend every event — you could skip the bachelorette party but attend the wedding

Hosts: Think about your guests

Hosts can improve attendance by considering their invitees' finances. If you are hosting a celebration and want particular friend to be in attendance, be mindful of their financial circumstances, Singletary said. 

"I personally think that when you plan your wedding, you ought to be considerate of who can come and who you want to come," she added.

If your heart is set on a particular destination that could be challenging for close friends to reach, consider going there for your honeymoon, not the wedding itself. It relieves guests who might be on tight budgets of making a hard decision that could be detrimental to their financial well-being. 

She has a message for brides, too: "Stop saying, 'this is my day.'"

"Because if it was your day, you would just get married with just your attendant and a witness," Singletary said. "It's a day you want to share with people, so don't think of it as a selfish thing, think of it as, 'Who do I want to come, and what is the most affordable way to have this event.'"

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