College football Week 1 grades: Deion Sanders gets A+ for making haters look silly

Another season of college football is finally upon us, and for the third straight year, it is my pleasure to again bring you the highlights, lowlights, boneheaded decisions and the absolute silliness produced by the 133 teams fighting for the four College Football Playoff spots.

The same thing goes as far as grading from last season: High marks will be only for the spectacular, and failing grades have no chance of being reversed. Also, mean social posts will be ignored and emails to the inbox to complain will directly enter the trash folder.

So, join USA TODAY Sports on this ride that will end Jan. 8 at Houston's NRG Stadium in the national championship game.

Here is the Week 1 analysis of how fans, teams, players, and coaches fared:

No shortage of salt here

Keeping this one short and sweet. Deion Sanders is not playing around with the media, especially after his nearly three-touchdown underdog Colorado team went to Fort Worth, Texas, and upset TCU. Check out this exchange with ESPN's Ed Werder following the Buffaloes' 45-42 win.

Colorado was considered, by yours truly, a team that could disappoint in 2023. It's only one game, but the crow for dinner is getting closer to reality, especially if the Buffaloes make a bowl game.

CVS receipt list of haters looking silly: A+

Don't press post

Social media can be a good source of information, and sometimes a good source of comedy. Sadly, most people running social media accounts who are trying to be funny don’t have a clear sense of history or seemingly don't have Google, for that matter. UCF played Kent State in its first game of the season on Thursday and it went as expected, with the Knights cruising to a 56-6 win.

During the game, UCF’s official football account on X, formerly Twitter, posted a picture of quarterback John Rhys Plumlee on the phone, with the caption, “SOMEONE CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD.”

The problem with the UCF post is that the Knights were playing Kent State, which was the site of an anti-war protest in 1970 that saw the Ohio National Guard open fire on a crowd, killing four students. Nine others were wounded.

The post was deleted and the UCF administration issued an apology.

The excuse that whoever is running the account is too young to know about Kent State or that it was unintentional doesn’t work here. They weren’t too young to remember Shannon Sharpe, who said a similar statement into a sideline phone in a moment captured by NFL Films during a Denver Broncos game during the 1996 season.

Next time, keep the jokes to the people who are qualified and have enough awareness about the world to make them.

X ain’t funny: Expulsion

Tribute to a (not really) fallen Harbaugh

Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh is suspended for the first three games of the season for breaking NCAA rules, reportedly for not telling the truth to investigators when being asked about recruiting violations that may have happened during the dead period in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic.

That should have been the end of it. But, of course not.

Michigan quarterback J.J. McCarthy wanted to be seen, so he came out sporting a T-shirt that read "Free Harbaugh" during warmups.

The offense then came out and held up four fingers, Harbaugh's old college number, showing their support.

The question seriously has to be asked: "free" Harbaugh from what?

Is he being wrongly convicted of a crime we don't know about? Is he being held somewhere against his will? Or do you want your allegedly untruthful coach back on the sideline sooner than later? (This suspension has been levied by Michigan, by the way.)

It remains to be seen if the Michigan football team keeps up that same energy in the pregame when UNLV and Bowling Green come to Ann Arbor. Harbaugh is slated to return to his team for the Sept. 23 home game against Rutgers.

Wrong hill to die on: F

It's Christmas time in September

This space has been used over the years to highlight the absurdity of college football teams filling the schedule with games against so-called "cupcakes" and those “cupcakes” flipping the script to earn victories and make some athletic departments look inept.

The season of giving was kicked off by the Purdue Boilermakers, who paid Fresno State $1.35 million only for the Bulldogs to put up 487 yards behind Mikey Keene's four touchdown passes in a 39-35 victory.

Boston College, which might not have a head coach come October, was also in a generous mood, ponying up a cool $1.1 million for Northern Illinois. All the Huskies did was descend upon Chestnut Hill and come away with a 27-24 overtime victory.

And Baylor lost 42-31 to Texas State, a team that went 4-8 in 2022 and was a four-touchdown underdog entering the game. The Bobcats were more than happy to take the win, the relatively low sum of $375,000 and a two-hour trip back home down Interstate 35.

It certainly does pay to be generous in these hard times.

Payday for the underdogs: A+

Stats for you

29: Times in a row Ohio State has beaten Indiana, after a 23-3 win over the Hoosiers.

34: Age of Virginia kicker Matt Ganyard. Ganyard is a walk-on who was a former Marine Corps helicopter pilot.

82: Years since Notre Dame played a non-FBS school before Saturday’s game against Tennessee State

129: Snaps played for two-way threat Travis Hunter of Colorado against TCU

301: Points needed this season for Iowa offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz to keep his job. The Hawkeyes scored 24 in its win over Utah State.

$1.95 million: Payday pocketed by UMass for playing Auburn. The Tigers won 59-14.

The worst and best of the rest

Sneaky athletic squirrel finds the end zone in Happy Valley:

A new mode of transportation at Montana State:

Heisman winner Caleb Williams doing his weekly circus act:

Michigan State wide receiver Tyrell Henry with an unbelievable catch:

Mayo for breakfast:

Mark Ingram says giddyup:

B1G Turd. Enough said:

The Dog of the Week

Tennessee-Martin at Georgia

One of the first dogs of the week is always my own. Meet Sutton, *again.

Elsewhere, Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin put his dog to work during the Rebels' game with Mercer. Juice got at least one rep in the 73-7 Rebels win.

Now to the game.....

Georgia’s national title defense opened with this doozy of a matchup in Week 1. The Skyhawks aren’t a slouch by any means; they did win seven games last season. But scheduling this game to please your fans and alumni for what is essentially a guaranteed three-hour scrimmage masquerading as a legitimate contest borders on cruel and unusual punishment.  

The hounds, including Uga XI, whose nickname is Boom, weren’t too pleased with this one, suffering in the hot Athens heat, as the two-time defending national champions went through the motions in a 48-7 win. UT-Martin took home $500,000 for its troubles.

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